i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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