I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You may now shotgun with the bride
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
