he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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