I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
