After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize