just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There r osticjed everywhere
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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