He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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