Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
