why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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