Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
