i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
