Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
