She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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