If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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