Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
