Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
