Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
