The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Farmville is her only friend.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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