Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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