how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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