So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
