smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
