I wanna bring you to show and tell
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
