Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
