I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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