Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
