Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The adults are the big ones right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
