Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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