Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.