Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.