Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
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Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.