I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects