If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?