I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away