note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants