Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize