Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
