She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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