I'm going to jail i love you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
