i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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