just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My hand turned me down
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
