I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
