perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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