Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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