His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
