I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
