i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
