I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you never un-have a 4some
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
