Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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