help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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