i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
