Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
