i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
