What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
