happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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