You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
