All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize