I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
