my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
