You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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