its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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