i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
