People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
