So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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