so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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