You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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