I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
