My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
