all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
