Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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