Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
