I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
