you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
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ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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